By Mandy X. Hu
I observed him thoroughly and truthfully, as was my job as a coach. The PhD candidate was somewhat shy but eloquent, intelligent, genuine and fair-spoken. However, his words didn’t match how I perceived him: ‘I feel like I do not belong here. I’m really not good or smart enough to do this work. Soon they will discover I’m a fraud.’ He paused. Then silently added:
‘An impostor.’
There it was, the big ‘I’-word: Impostor, stemming from the Latin word Impostor (at least the word doesn’t pretend to be something else), meaning ‘a deceiver’ or ‘one who passes himself off as another’. The Impostor Syndrome or Impostor Phenomenon was first described in an article in 1978 written by psychologists Suzanna Imes and Pauline Rose Clance.1 Like the word implies, the phenomenon refers to the belief of not being as competent in a given role or function as others perceive you to be, with the persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud. If you feel a pang of recognition here, perhaps it helps to know that you are not alone. The majority of all people (70 percent (!) according to a study by Sakulku et al. 20112) experiences such feelings at some point in their lives.
The world of academia seems to contain particularly fertile soil for the Impostor weed to grow. Indeed, I’ve encountered it many times during my career. Sometimes direct and outspoken, other times implicit and hidden between the lines, but always loaded with insecurity and low self-esteem. What is it about academia that makes people feel this way? I believe it has to do with the type of people, the essence of the work, and the created culture. Or, in other words:
Who we are, what we do, and how we treat each other
Who are we then, the average academic? In many instances we are ambitious to the point of overachieving. We aren’t satisfied with ‘just’ a bachelor and master’s degree, we had to get a Doctorate degree as well. We are often perfectionistic, hardworking, competitive… beautiful traits but without boundaries we will easily tumble into the pitfalls of ‘never good enough’ and ‘always expecting more’. How easy it is to dig ourselves further into these pitfalls when what we do is quite intangible, has a vague framework, and is never actually finished. And somehow, in this battlefield of insecurity and doubt, many of us have learned to treat ourselves and each other with criticism rather than compliments, with expectations rather than acceptation, with competition rather than compassion. No wonder that so many of us are afraid that we will be exposed and ridiculed (like that dream of being naked in public).
So how to cure it, this Impostor Syndrome? What kind of magic potion to take? Of course I could write a long argument about cultivating awareness for your pitfalls, creating clear frameworks for your work, and how to start a revolution of the academic culture. But I believe that the magic cure starts with one simple yet difficult question:
Who am I?
And I don’t mean the ‘I’ that consists of your convictions of having to be ambitious, hardworking etc. I mean your true ‘I’; the one you see when you summon all the wisdom and compassion that you possess. They say that a walk through nature is so soothing because we do not judge nature like we do humans; we do not blame a tree for having ‘wrong’ leaves. So what if we were to stop blaming ourselves for having ‘wrong’ traits? What if we could see ourselves for what we are and stop judging and start accepting? And what if this true self is what we show the world? What if we replaced the ‘I’ Syndrome with the true ‘I’?
This is what I asked him. He smiled and replied: ‘Then I couldn’t be an impostor, because I would genuinely and truly be me.’
Do you recognize yourself in this article? The PhD advisors are here for you. Get in touch with us for a consultation (phdadvisor@amsterdamumc.nl) and stay tuned for our upcoming workshop on the Impostor Syndrome in the Spring of 2022!
1Clance PR, Imes SA. The imposter phenomenon in high achieving women: Dynamics and therapeutic intervention. Group Dyn. 1978;15(3):241-247.
2Sakulku J, Alexander J. The imposter phenomenon. International Journal of Behavioral Science. 2011;6(1):73-92.